Why let go...

For a long time when I was very small I had a recurring dream that I was floating in outer space on a huge honeycomb-like structure. As I walked around each comb gradually the edge became narrower and narrower until eventually I was down on my hands and knees clinging to the razor sharp edge as I gazed in terror down into the darkness below. Inevitably I would lose my balance and begin to fall and this was where the dream always ended. The fear of falling out into space was so great that it would wake me and I would lie in the dark shivering with relief that it had only been a dream.

Until one day when I was eighteen years old. I hadn't had the dream for a long time but when I did I became lucid, remembering as I slept that I had been to this place many times before. Upon realising that I was dreaming I lost my fear of falling and instead of waking in terror I simply allowed myself to slip off. I let go and fell.

What occurred next was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Instead of falling I floated. I simply remained motionless, watching as the honeycomb became smaller and smaller until it finally disappeared into the distance. The feeling that came over me is impossible to describe, although I've had glimpses of it since: in meditation, when singing from the heart, when I am still and silent in the garden, watching as a small bee lands on a flower. It was a feeling of weightlessness, of spaciousness, of pure joy. Of total merging with everything that is.

It's taken me another fifteen years to learn the lesson this dream represents: that when we let go of what we think is our security, we disentangle ourselves from the tethers that hold us, that constrain our being. There have been many opportunities for me to learn this lesson but only through coming to a place of profound disillusionment have I been able to see that everything I attempt to hold on to, to grasp or to identify with only limits the potential of the creative universe within me.

This blog is a place where I will share my thoughts on this lesson. 

1 comment:

Vikki said...

You're so beautiful :)